I find the exit from one kind of life...and then the re-entry a few days later particularly trying. We always argue just before I go away and then, when I arrive back I am usually pretty tired and emotional...
There are always reasons for it...I'll have been flying...there's usually a time change involved (the 3 hour difference in NSW has been tricky)...it will have been a LONG day...and if I've been away for more than a couple of days I will be missing Rick something chronic and so I'm just a bit overwhelmed to see him again. It can be an ugly coincidence of experiences and emotions and I never really come out of it looking that good.
I know that when I'm away it is hard for Rick too...
Until we got together in 2008 Rick had a pretty organised life...the people who were in his life knew their routines and responsibilities. Particular things were done on particular days by particular people. The house ran like clockwork...everybody was happy.
Halcyon days...
It's not like that now...someone lives in the house who cooks...and leaves stuff lying around...who likes cotton dishcloths better than those horrid sponges...who is fanatical about how the washing should be done...and buys flowers...
I arrived back to a house that smelled of dank, fetid water and dead flowers...
I'm imagining that in homes up and down the state, as people arrived in off the 5.30pm from Sydney and were reunited with their families then similar scenarios with similar sensitive spots were being re-enacted. Little scenes of accusation and defence. Boring disputes about domesticity...who cleans what...who remembers to buy...who forgot to do...
I know that this is 'normal' or better, typical...
I don't think that it is more difficult for us than for other families but I do know that it gets a bit complicated because there are at least 14 other players involved in our domestic bliss...more places for me to lay the blame if I'm so inclined...and believe me...I was so inclined that I was almost horizontal...
So...how to find a way to bring the bliss back the domestic...
Aren't relationships just really HARD? Even when you love the bones of someone...
How difficult is it to negotiate a relationship when all that's holding you there is a pressing need for assistance or a ridiculously small amount of money for your time and skill?
I want to encourage love into that space...I think it makes you want to try harder or at least say you're sorry when it doesn't go right...
'Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex.
Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational'
Hugh MacKay
