This story has been waiting a long time to be posted. Not really sure what happened but the effect was that any confidence I had about having anything to say just up and slithered out under the door. It's taken a few weeks to come back, with lots of encouragement from friends and not a little shame and embarrassment at my famous inability to stick at anything...
Anyway, here I am, having another go. The story that follows turned out to be the highlight of my locked-down COVID Christmas
The Only Christmas Kiss
On the eve of Christmas Eve, I decided that I would head out late to do some food shopping in my local M&S store (it wasn't just any food...)
I reckoned that if I headed over there for about 9pm it wouldn't be horribly busy and I would be able to pick up the few things remaining on my list without having to queue to get in. I wasn't in a great mood as I set off. Christmas has been bleak since Rick died. It was made even bleaker by the new restrictions we were facing so I was pretty grumpy about it all. However, the shopping fairies smiled on me; parking was easy and the store was fairly quiet.
When I got into the store I noticed a couple who were standing together, engaged in a quite intense conversation. The woman wore a mask and she looked pretty classy, wrapped up against the cold, wearing a scarf with the careless nonchalance of someone comfortable with their style.
The man with her was maskless but it wasn't the first thing I noticed about him. He had what I would describe as 'catalogue looks' - he seemed fairly young. He was dark and handsome and looked like he should have been on an M&S website wearing a denim shirt and chinos with a sweater, the sleeves of said sweater draped casually around his shoulders and tied in front of him - the sweater would have been a silk and cashmere blend.
He caught my eye.
I heard the woman ask him what they needed to buy and he said they needed apples. Something about the way he spoke pricked up my ears and then the woman sent him off to find some apples. Her tone was...oh, I don't know what it was...but I heard something that intrigued me.
(As I type this my little Google icon is telling me that the tone of my writing is anxious and I think that's what I heard in the woman's voice)
By this time I had sauntered around to the fruit and veg and was looking to buy some apples for myself. So many varieties to choose from and I was thinking about whether I just wanted two Pink Lady apples or should I get 4 when I became aware that the young man was standing beside me. He was crowding me a bit but nothing that concerned or impeded me but the woman with him saw what was happening said that he 'shouldn't crowd the lady' and as she said this he peered right into my face, up close and personal and whispered 'Santa's coming!'. His face was split from ear to ear with a smile. I asked him if he was excited. He whispered a breathless yes and then leaned over and ever so gently planted a gossamer kiss on my cheek. The woman was horrified...'Oh no, you can't do that' and she quickly ushered him away with apologies to me and words of reminder for him...'You know you shouldn't do that'...'Don't do it again'...
I was OK about it but likely if I'd been the woman I would have been the same. I am guessing that she was either his support worker or his Mother...I think probably his Mother. I wasn't sure what her concern was...was it COVID or the invasion of someone's personal space or the inappropriate touch? Whatever her concern I wanted to let her know that it was OK. I wasn't shocked or violated. I wasn't attacked. I was just...surprised and, if truth were told, that wee moment was joyous for me.
I've wished that I could find the woman and tell her that.
Tell her that in this time of lockdown, with the virus ripping through our communities, as people ache for a kind touch, a warm hug, a great big smoochy kiss...as people gathered at Christmas around quieter tables oftentimes with empty chairs and exchanged presents but not hugs...
I wanted to tell her that, as the yearning for connection deepens, that young man gave me a gift that I've carried with me into January and if I close my eyes I can still feel it...
My only Christmas kiss...
'Kisses, even to the air, are beautiful'
Drew Barrymore
